Lowestoft, England
john@livingmentalhealth.com

I always feel like somebody’s watching me…

There is no "I" in struggle

I always feel like somebody’s watching me…

Happy bank holiday to my supporters in the UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§. Hope you’ve had a mega weekend just gone.
Had a visit from one of my best friends Saturday and then had the granddaughter round for a sleep over. I then proceeded to be a tattoo artist, a surgeon and makeup artist lol, all in the space couple hours of Saturday evening πŸ€£πŸ˜‚.

Today I want to talk to you about a picture I had taken of me this last week, and a cat who had beef with me.

On Wednesday my partner had her friends round in the evening and they called me, I was playing a game I couldn’t leave. So once I expired on the game, I came out to the garden and one of the girls had made friends with a grey cat, and it kept trying to get in our bungalow so I shut the back door.

I don’t like cats, I would never hurt one, just don’t like them, but can I just say cats are physic, they know I don’t like them, but they come up to me all the time, sit on my lap, rub themselves all over me like I’m a cat lover, it does make me laugh when they do it, the little buggers.

I went outside to put the chairs back in the shed, and then my step daughter called my name. She had taken a photo of me. I looked, and the cat is on top of the shed roof planning its attack on me! see below photo, little rascal.

I really liked this photo as it showed me how far I’ve come. it was a hot day and I didn’t have my massive hoodie or a big jumper on.

For me, this is like a layer of protection, as I can be very paranoid that people are watching me, even in my own garden, I feel like they’re going to attack me.

It’s not a nice feeling, I am improving, slowly, but I do like the picture, it has caused me anxiety this week though, but I’m beating my anxiety by sharing it with you all and that’s helping me get over my paranoia.

So I’m claiming this as a victory on my journey on living with mental health and my autism journey.

Also just a quick, reminder I’m now producing a news letter at the end of each month so if you get a little pop up, and fancy joining the newsletter, follow the instructions and enjoy.

Thank you for reading, have a lovely week and once again thanks for all the support.

🀞 "It's not going to beat me I'm going to beat it"

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2 Responses

  1. Dear John

    Well done. Your coat might be a way of masking (or making your self invisible in a crowd – appear normal).

    Not, John, I hasten to add that you or anyone else that is autistic is not normal.

    Is it not nice to just be you and let others wonder?

    Like you, I, for a while, (a year or two) wore a coat a friend gave me to get me home from Hong Kong one time. It was his Rave coat and was a meant give. I stopped wearing it as it was really for Raves and I had stopped going to Raves when I came back to the UK, from Hong Kong in 1994. I only went to about 5 Raves in my life, if you can call Full Moon parties in Thailand a Rave. πŸ™‚

    Different clothes have a special meaning to different people. Some are bothered, some are not, some cannot afford to be bothered. I am in the middle of bothered and cannot afford to be bothered. I suppose I have quite a lot of clothes because I have changed shape a bit over the years, and always wondered if I would fit back into them one day πŸ™‚

    I love cats, despite being allergic to ones that malt. I am allergic to dogs that malt too.

    I hope you are pleased about this Blog John as it comes over very positive and milestone achievement esque.

    So wishing you well πŸ™‚

    KR

    David

    Picture depicting light at the end of the tunnel. Keep in that direction headed.

  2. Dear John

    Some people prefer the musical medium.

    Here is a song for this post:

    KR

    David

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